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Someone explain cheating to me

by on November 14, 2012 in Musings, The Daily Dish

Cheating is everywhere, it seems.

In the White House, on vacation, around the corner of your Orlando, Fla. mansion with your Swedish wife standing over you holding a golf club.

The latest cheating scandal splashed across websites and newspapers the past few days involves four marriages — so far: CIA director Gen. David Petraeus and his wife, Holly; Petraeus’ biographer Paula Broadwell and her husband; Jill Kelley and her husband; and Gen. John Allen and his wife.

To make it simple, here’s a quick version of the story: Kelley reported to the FBI “jealous” e-mails sent by Broadwell, who, turns out, had had an affair with Petraeus. The FBI probe also uncovered thousand of inappropriate e-mail messages from Allen, the commander of U.S. and NATO troops in Afghanistan, and Kelley. And there you have it.

Petraeus resigned. Allen’s in trouble. I can’t imagine anyone feels pretty good about what has just gone down.

Doesn’t anyone learn? Cheating isn’t worth it. Sure, folks get away with it all the time. But I believe it all catches up to you someday.

I’ve been cheated on. Several times, in fact. And it completely sucks. You feel betrayed, your trust is shattered, you start to think it had something to do with you. Like you’re not good enough, you weren’t worth it. Oh, I’ve been there.

The subject came up recently with a few of my girlfriends, some of which had experienced cheating, too. And the question came up, “What, exactly, is cheating?”

It’s a legitimate question.

Clearly, sex is cheating. Kissing is cheating. Anything involving a cigar and a naked White House intern is cheating. But what about “inappropriate” e-mails? When does flirting cross the line?

I don’t get the whole cheating thing, how it’s exciting and fun. I think it’d be stressful and tiring. I have a husband, thanks, not to mention two dogs, a house to clean, a career to cultivate, friends to share dinners with, waves to surf, beaches to run. I don’t need an extra thing on my to-do list.

So what’s the appeal? If you’re not happy with the person you’re with, leave. If you met someone else, be honest. And if you’ve already cheated, ‘fess up and figure it out.

And if you’re going to cheat, my God, don’t send e-mails!

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Ask Dr. Dish: ‘Am I fat?’

by on September 24, 2012 in Musings, The Daily Dish

This isn’t technically a real “Ask Dr. Dish” question, but it’s one I’ve heard over the years.

The question is: “What do you tell someone who asks, ‘Am I getting fat?’”

It’s not an easy question to tackle, let’s be honest. But it’s not an uncommon one to hear, especially for guys who probably get it a lot more often than they’d like.

I once asked my then-boyfriend (now-husband) if he would tell me the straight truth if I had gained weight. He said he would; I didn’t believe him. So we came up with a compromise: if either of us put on a few extra pounds, we’d say, “Well, it looks like everyone’s going on a diet. Including the dogs.”

So far, we haven’t had to say that. Yet.

So I’m summoning up the ladies who read this blog — and the men who have found tactful ways of answering this touchy question — to share your thoughts on this.

What’s the best way to deal with this question? Evade it? Use “fluffy” terms? Or tell the straight-up truth?

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Can men and women be ‘just friends’?

by on April 8, 2012 in Musings, The Daily Dish

Growing up, I didn’t see how guys and girls couldn’t be friends.

And I think I was partially right.

At the time, sure, guys and girls could hang out on the basketball court, play Trumps and just exist as friends.

But once those “guys” became “men” and those “girls” turned into “women,” things changed.

The question — ”Can men and women be just friends?” — has long been debated and played out in sitcoms and movies such as “When Harry Met Sally.” In fact, it was in that movie that Harry, played by Billy Crystal, famously says it’s impossible “because the sex part always gets in the way.”

“How do you know?” asks Sally, played by Meg Ryan.

“Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.”

And that conversation pretty much summed it up for a lot of us.

The topic was resurrected in Sunday’s New York Times. Essayist William Deresiewicz said that platonic relationships with the opposite actually aren’t rare at all. “But [sex] doesn’t always get in the way. Maybe you’re not attracted to each other. Maybe you know it would never work out, so it’s not worth screwing up your friendship. Maybe that’s just not what it’s about.”

So what do you think? Can men and women be “just friends”? Or do you think it’s never that simple?

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Couples can’t share everything — can they?

by on January 30, 2012 in Musings, The Daily Dish

Secrets.

We all have them.

But when do you have to share them with your partner — and when can you keep them to yourself?

It’s a tough question.

People keep secrets for different reasons. Sometimes it’s to save face — you don’t need to share embarrassing moment from childhood with your mate. But sometimes couple don’t dish when they should.

But how can you tell?

For example, I tell my boyfriend everything — and probably to a fault. He hates that I tell him about my past relationships; these are clearly topics he’d rather I keep to myself. But on the other hand, I want to know more about his exes — but he doesn’t want to share. I view that as being secretive; he sees it as being courteous.

I was watching a segment on NBC’s “Today” about couples keeping secrets. The discussion was about sharing confidential information such as bank account numbers and passwords.

Then I read a story in Redbook about the same topic. It said even the healthiest couples hide things from each other.

To most of us, the secret to end all secrets (and many marriages) is an affair—and no one will quibble with the devastating consequences of infidelity. Yet even “small” deceptions can rock a relationship, and it can be hard to draw the line between what’s harmless and what’s not.

So what should you share? Embarrassing stories? Medical history? Salaries? Past relationships? Actual weight? Passwords?

What do you think?

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Relationship status: ‘It’s complicated’

Relationship status: ‘It’s complicated’

by on October 10, 2011 in Musings, The Daily Dish

The first thing on my girlfriend’s list of things to do once she got married?

Change her Facebook status.

And I don’t mean after her honeymoon. She updated her status as soon as she left the altar. She was still in her wedding dress.

It’s interesting how often — and how much — we broadcast our personal lives across the very public networks of social media.

As soon as people get engaged or break up or get married — or now, get divorced — they change their relationship status on Facebook as a way to tell the world, “Hey! Look! See what just happened!”

I get that you want to publish accurate and up-to-date information online. I’m a journalist, I can respect that. And I even get the need to broadcast to people in your network that you’re engaged or married.

But break-ups? In Facebook? On Twitter? That just seems, well, tacky.

I witnessed the awkward break-up of a couple on Twitter once. It started by one person “unfollowing” the other. And all hell broke loose.

And I’ve heard from friend who say their new significant others urged — if not outright pestered and pressured — them to change their Facebook status immediately. If not, that meant they were hiding the relationship, they didn’t really love them, they weren’t committed — and that led to an entire night of useless arguing.

There are more than 800 million active Facebook users, most of whom indicate some kind of relationship status, which can now range from single to in a domestic partnership.

And there’s even an app — the Facebook Breakup Notifier, which was released in February — that helps people keep taps on potential partners. You can choose the friends whose relationship status you’d like to track. (Like old boyfriends, recent flings, that crush you had in high school.) And when his relationship status changes to “single,” you pounce.

“You like someone. They’re in a relationship. Be the first to know when they’re out of it,” promises the app’s website.

It’s a weird world we live in. Can anyone explain it to me?

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